In Good Awkward: How to Embrace the Embarrassing and Celebrate the Cringe to Become the Bravest You, executive coach Henna Pryor makes the case for discomfort. She spoke with b. about why we shouldn’t run from our inner weirdo at the office.
b: What made you write Good Awkward?
Henna Pryor: I’ve spent my whole life feeling awkward! I was born of immigrant parents. My dad is from India, my mom is from Pakistan. So, my clothes were always a bit different. My food smelled a bit different. … My name was Henna [and] all I wanted to be was a Jennifer or Samantha.
So, mm-hmm, awkwardness was an emotion that just felt deeply familiar to me and something that was tied to my upbringing. And it wasn’t until probably college that I started to find other people who … allowed their bumpy edges to show, and I started to lean in a little bit more to my authentic self.
b: What defines “good” awkward?
Pryor: Well, I’ll start with the definition of awkward. [It’s] what we feel when the person that we believe ourselves to be … is, for a moment, at odds with the person that other people see on display. … Good awkward would be understanding that tendency and marching ahead anyway in spite of the concern that what you’re saying isn’t polished, understanding that it’s a step you are taking towards social growth.
b.: You write that beginners take more innovative risks because they know that they won’t be perfect at what they’re doing. How do we keep embracing risk as we grow professionally?
Pryor: If we were to take a new job, if we were to take a new role within our company, if we were to move into leadership for the first time — at every inflection point, every transition point — we are in some way, shape, or form a beginner again. … And often where we get a little trapped is expecting that [we] should not look like a beginner.
And so, the willingness to stay in that [beginner] mentality and recalibrate our expectations — about how people should see us or how we should show up — is critical to not just tolerating but marching face first into those situations as we continue to grow. … When we use that identity language, “I am awkward,” it is a trap — it’s a box of our own making — when the reality is awkwardness, by definition, is an emotion … and like any other emotion, it can be transient.
b.: As a leader, being too awkward could make your staff doubt your abilities. How can leaders balance authenticity with authority?
Pryor: Yes, there is a line we need to tow. … If a leader is someone who is generally looked at as competent, who generally knows what they’re talking about in a certain sphere of influence, then from time to time it is extremely humanizing — and in fact, increases likability, trust, forgiveness, a number of factors — when they are able to say, “Hey, you know what? I didn’t get that quite right.”
So strategically, in areas where they’ve built trust from their team, those awkward moments — admissions of missteps and blunders — actually have a very positive effect. … And the research proves that [modeling this behavior] is really good for creating more innovation. The ideas that follow are more regenerative by letting people bring that guard down.